January 6th of this year I journaled my surrender. I felt completely eaten up by my own bitterness and admitted that I could do nothing to bring myself out of the pit that I had dug for myself. Circumstances aside, I had reached the moment in this particular season of my life where I knew God had pinned me right in the center of my brokenness. I was only beginning to realize the depth of the selfishness for which I had potential in all of my relationships and my ability to attempt to meet my needs in my own way, and they had all left me feeling miserable and even more isolated than before.
Among other pleas and requests, I asked God to grant me something to move me into a new season with Him that I so desperately needed.
Next thing I know, my roommate is egging me on to run the Cowtown half-marathon on February 26th.
Well,that was awfully direct was my honest thought. It made me think back to what my college minister Nick Pitts sometimes reminds our college group of during his prayers for us right before the Journey, our weekly bible study; the importance of coming before God’s throne with confidence in prayer. How many times do we as Christians “not have because [we] do not ask God” (James 4:2)?
While most grabbed running partners for the long miles of training for the Cowtown, I trained on my own. I can’t quite explain it, but God used the training to bring me through a season in which I could not carry myself. He met with me on every single day of training on that gravel trail on the back of the DBU campus—rain or snow, under the sun or in the cloak of night, clear or cloudy skies, and my favorite—at sunset. He gave me a place to go with all of my pent up energy, and any seemingly needless frustrations toiling inside of me I knew would be laid out and dealt with there on that trail between He and I by the end of our run. I cried to Him in prayer, sometimes literally, other times I looked to the sky in moments of ecstasy in seeing the trees clear and the stars come out. My God knew how to speak my love language, how to break, heal, and settle my heart back into His, and through His fierce and fantastic love for me, woo me back to His arms and transform me along the journey there.
Some days of the journey were difficult. Faced with the temptations of guilt and shame, I knew I had to choose to allow my convictions to push me forward and not hold me back. I got a glimpse of the disgusting amount of pride in my heart and my inability to release certain things in my own strength—all of these being elements working to draw me away from my Heavenly Daddy.
Amidst the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual discipline during my training program, Proverbs 3:11-12 was constantly on my mind:
“My son, do not despise the LORD’s
discipline,
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.”
By the end of my race, I had received a medal. But better than any personal satisfaction or recognition that I may have received, I gained a greater understanding of God’s ability to transform us from the inside-out whenever we dedicate any area of our lives to Him. Ephesians 3:20 says “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”. I choose to believe that God can not only allow us to reach our goals, but that He CAN and WILL go above and beyond our hopes and expectations, using every event for His eternal purposes and make the most of Himself in our lives.
I didn’t just complete a race—I learned to run more closely alongside my Lord.
